Anyone who has ever been a mistress will know what a lonely occupation it is. You're friends feel morally comprimised, bored or worse, and the only person you can really talk openly to is your lover but your misery reminds him of his guilt. And yet mistresses have been around as long as we have and at various times in history we have weilded political power; been muses; trophies and the namesake of perhaps the greatest novel and love story.
Today, though, it is as though the sexual revolution never happened. People's judgements have stunned me. I consider myself a feminist though, so how do I live with my life choice and myself? I want to look at the history of the mistress and the state of marriage today and love and guilt and obligation to see if I can find the answer. Also, although I have titled this the long distance mistress, and this has, of course, been through choice it is certainly not my preferred option.
So, some background. I have been married and divorced and have kids. I have had various unsatisfactory relationships but for the past two and a half years have been in a relationship with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with; except I can't because he is married. Although I cannot see how I could leave him I tell him pretty much daily that this is not the relationship that I want. We talk about everything under the sun except for his marriage, which remains a half completed jigsaw. I lie awake at night trying to put more pieces together to understand why he doesn't want to be with me and I formulate theories which I tell him. I'm usually partially right so I guess I answer my own questions but that doesn't give any satisfaction. It takes up alot of my time and energy and something has to give.
I also think about marriage. Although I loved my husband, I did not love him being my husband. It oppressed me. Marriage today is more secular than ever before and less necessary and yet people still attach enormous weight to it. As Alexander Dumas said "The chains of marriage are so heavy that it often takes two people to carry them, and sometimes three."
Does my existence support my lover's marriage? Undoubtedly. This is also an ancient tradition.
So, for my first blog, the first recorded mistress. Hagar. Hagar was an Eygyptian slave who is recorded in Genesis, no less, as being the mistress of Abraham. Those who know their bibles will remember that Abraham ad Sarah were childless but kept trying until Abraham wss 86 and Sarah 76. No doubt out of desperation Sarah suggests that Abraham sleeps with their slave Hagar. Hagar gets pregnant and Sarah gets jealous. Hagar has 13 more children with Abraham, including Ishmael, and then very surprisingly at the age of 100 Sarah gets pregnant and gives birth to Isaac. At this point Sarah's jealousy re-surfaces and she chucks both Hagar and Ishmael out. Poor Hagar. Although both she and Ishmael survive and he goes on to found the tribe of Ishmaelites because God looks after them which is interesting as there is no sense of judgment from God or the bible for her status. This makes sense if we consider Mary Magdalene who Jesus 'loved'. Like with so many things it would seem that the judgement was a product of the church and society rather than the essence of Christianity.
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